The Doors of Success Have Been Closed for 6 Reasons

Ibn ul Qayyim Al Jawziyah (Rahimahullah) mentioned in his monumental book
“Fawaa'id ul Fawaa'id” on the authority of Shaqeeq Ibn Ibrahim (Rahimahullah),


who said:The door of Tawfeeq (i.e. success) has been closed on the people because of six things:

The First: Because they (i.e. the people) busy themselves with the Ni'mah (i.e. blessing) bestowed upon them and
forget about the gratitude they should express to Allah, the One who bestowed the favor on them.

The Second: Because they have an ardent desire for knowledge however, they abandon acting upon it.

The Third: Because they hasten to commit sin but delay repentance for the sin.

The Fourth: Because they are deceived by the companionship of the righteous but fail to emulate their actions.

The Fifth: Because the life of this world is behind them but they are insistent on chasing after it.

The Sixth: Because the hereafter is in front of them but they turn away from it.

The source of all of this stems from a lack of Raja'a (i.e. hope in Allah's mercy) and Khowf (i.e. fear of Allah's
punishment and the fact that He may not accept any of your deeds). And the origin of this stems from a weakness in
Yaqeen (i.e. certainty). And the origin of this stems from a weakness in Baseerah (i.e. sound legislative knowledge).
And the origin of this stems from humiliation and ignobility and exchanging that which is superior for that which is
mediocre.

If the individual was noble and ambitious he would not settle for mediocre. The source of every good is by the Tawfeeq
(i.e. success) of Allah as well as by His will, the nobility of the soul, its magnanimity and exaltedness. Subsequently, the
source of every evil is the villainousness of the soul, its ignobility and lowliness, as Allah says:

قد أفلح من زكاها وقد خاب من دساها...
“Indeed he will be successful who purifies his soul and he who corrupts his own soul will fail…”

Meaning, the one who exalts his soul, multiplies it's good and nurtures it upon obedience to Allah, will be successful.
However, the one who disgraces his soul and humiliates it by exposing it to sin and disobedience to Allah will utterly
lose. Thus the noble souls are not satisfied except with the finer things in life, those things that reap the most
praiseworthy outcome. On the other hand, the ignoble souls loiter around the lowliest affairs just as the fly that only
lands on feces.

Hence the noble and superior soul is not satisfied with oppression, fornication/adultery, stealing or betrayal due to the
fact that he considers himself more dignified to commit such acts. However, the ignoble soul is the total opposite. And
every soul will incline towards what is in conformity with it’s desire(s) and what it deems suitable. This is consistent with
the statement of Allah:

قل كل يعمل على شاكلته
“Every soul shall act according to what it inclines towards…”

Meaning, every soul will act upon what is in conformity with it's desires. The soul will act upon what it deems suitable
and appropriate for it. Thus, every soul will proceed upon the path that is natural for it. So the Fajir (i.e. criminal) soul
will act according to what is natural for it, of welcoming the blessing(s) of Allah with sin while turning away from Al
Mun'im (i.e. The Giver of all bounty and blessing). Yet the believer acts according to what is natural for him, of gratitude
to Allah, the One who grants His bounty to whomsoever He wills. Also loving Him, praising Him, showing affection to
Him and being modest before Him, while the slave is conscious of the fact that Allah is evaluating his every movement,
coupled with magnification and glorification of Him.

Is it Bipolar Disorder or Depression?

Bipolar disorder is commonly misdiagnosed as depression. One of the reasons is that most people with bipolar disorder seek help when they’re in the depressive stage of the illness. When they’re in the manic stage, they don’t recognize the problem. What’s more, most people with bipolar disorder are depressed a much greater percentage of the time than they are manic or hypomanic.

Being misdiagnosed with depression is a potentially dangerous problem because the treatment for bipolar depression is different than for regular depression. In fact, antidepressants can actually make bipolar disorder worse. So it’s important to see a mood disorder specialist who can help you figure out what’s really going on.
Indicators that your depression is really bipolar disorder:

* You’ve experienced repeated episodes of major depression.
* You had your first episode of major depression before age 25.
* You have a first-degree relative with bipolar disorder.
* When you’re not depressed, your mood and energy levels are higher than most people’s.
* When you’re depressed, you oversleep and overeat.
* Your episodes of major depression are short (less than 3 months)
* You’ve lost contact with reality while depressed.
* You’ve had postpartum depression before.
* You’ve developed mania or hypomania while taking an antidepressant.
* Your antidepressant stopped working after several months.
* You’ve tried 3 or more antidepressants without success.

Exploring bipolar disorder treatment options

If your doctor determines that you have bipolar disorder, he or she will explain your treatment options and possibly prescribe medication for you to take. You may also be referred to another mental health professional, such as a psychologist, counselor, or a bipolar disorder specialist. Together, you will work with your healthcare providers to develop a personalized treatment plan.

Comprehensive treatment for bipolar disorder

A comprehensive treatment plan for bipolar disorder aims to relieve symptoms, restore your ability to function, fix problems the illness has caused at home and at work, and reduce the likelihood of recurrence. A complete treatment plan involves:

*Medication – Medication is the cornerstone on bipolar disorder treatment. Taking a mood stabilizing medication can help minimize the highs and lows of bipolar disorder and keep symptoms under control.
*Psychotherapy – Therapy is essential for dealing with bipolar disorder and the problems it has caused in your life. Working with a therapist, you can learn how to cope with difficult or uncomfortable feelings, repair your relationships, manage stress, and regulate your mood.
*Education – Managing symptoms and preventing complications begins with a thorough knowledge of your illness. Education is a key component of treatment. The more you and your loved ones know about bipolar disorder, the better able you’ll be to avoid problems and deal with setbacks.
*Lifestyle management – By carefully regulating your lifestyle, you can keep symptoms and mood episodes to a minimum. This involves maintaining a regular sleep schedule, avoiding alcohol and drugs, following a consistent exercise program, minimizing stress, and keeping your sunlight exposure stable year round.
*Support – Living with bipolar disorder can be challenging, and having a solid support system in place can make all the difference in your outlook and motivation. Participating in a bipolar disorder support group gives you the opportunity to share your experiences and learn from others who know what you’re going through. The support of friends and family is also invaluable.

Treatment for Bipolar Disorder

If you suspect that you or someone you know are suffering from bipolar disorder, seek help right away. The earlier you catch bipolar disorder and begin treating it, the better your chances of getting and staying well. An experienced mental health professional can make sure your symptoms are caused by bipolar disorder and get you the treatment you need.

Treatment for bipolar disorder can help you live life on your own terms, without the interference of mood swings. Effective bipolar disorder treatment relieves symptoms, reduces the frequency and intensity of manic and depressive episodes, and restores your ability to function.

Bipolar disorder is a lifelong condition. It runs an unpredictable course of ups and downs. When left untreated, these ups and downs can be devastating. The recurring manic and depressive episodes that characterize the disease make it difficult to lead a stable, productive life. In the manic phase, you may be hyperactive and irresponsible. In the depressive phase, it may be difficult to do anything at all. Early diagnosis and treatment can help you avoid these problems.

Successful treatment of bipolar disorder depends on a combination of factors. Medication alone is not enough. In order to get the most out of treatment, its important to educate yourself about the illness, communicate with your doctors and therapists, have a strong support system, make healthy lifestyle choices, and stick to your treatment plan.

Recovering from bipolar disorder doesn’t happen overnight. As with the mood swings of bipolar disorder, treatment has its own ups and downs. Finding the right treatments takes time and setbacks happen. But with careful management and a commitment to getting better, you can get your symptoms under control and live fully.

What are some things I can do that might help me feel better?

* Know the difference between your symptoms and your true self. Your health care providers can help you separate your true identity from your symptoms by helping you see how your illness affects your behavior. Be open about behaviors you want to change and set goals for making those changes.
* Educate your family and involve them in treatment when possible. They can help you spot symptoms, track behaviors and gain perspective. They can also give encouraging feedback and help you make a plan to cope with any future crises.
* Work on healthy lifestyle choices. Recovery is also about a healthy lifestyle, which includes regular sleep, healthy eating, and the avoidance of alcohol, drugs, and risky behavior.
* Find the treatment that works for you. Talk to your health care provider about your medications' effects on you, especially the side effects that bother you. There are many options for you to try. It is very important to talk to your health care provider first before you make any changes to your medication or schedule.

Do You Need Therapy

DO YOU NEED THERAPY?
SUICIDAL THOUGHTS
Certainly the most important indicator that you need therapy is if you are having suicidal thoughts. This is especially true if you have begun to think that there are no other options left and that suicide is the only way to end this pain. If you have formulated a plan on how or when you will kill yourself, I urge you to seek help now! Make an appointment with a therapist as soon as possible or go to your local hospital, if the crisis is severe call a crisis help line and let them help you make it through the night, seek help in the morning. Suicidal thoughts and depression are episodic, in that you will have periods which are worse than at other times, but the intense feelings will abate if you give yourself time and seek counseling.

LOSING CONTROL
If you are no longer able to control your anger, if you are no longer able to control your periods of despair, if it seems that your life situation is no longer under your control and you are entirely at the mercy of someone or something else, if your interpersonal relationships are falling apart and your are at odds with members of your family and your co-workers and you are losing friends, if these things are happening to you there is a good chance that your depression is beginning to take control of your emotions and it is taking control of your life situation. If you do not make the decision to intervene and seek counseling your depression will worsen and regaining control will become more and more difficult.

ARE YOU GOING CRAZY?
You may have the feeling that you are going crazy. This is not an uncommon thought when a person first experiences the symptoms of depression. Without defining what the term "crazy" means, a person who is actually going crazy probably does not have a complete realization of what is happening to them and will most likely blame their problems on someone or something other than themselves. They many times think that they are sane and it is the rest of the world that has gone "crazy". The automatic thought "I think I am going crazy" arises due to a reaction to the symptoms of depression. The confusion, the loss of memory, the anger, the despair, the ups and downs (especially for manic depressives), and the loss of control of our emotions, all are perplexing when we first become depressed. This feeling that we are losing our minds happens as our depression begins to take control, it is also a very good indicator that intervention is needed and that it is time to seek therapy.


DOES THERE NEED TO BE A CRISIS?
Most of us only begin to consider that we need therapy when there is a crisis, where our life has come to a point where we are no longer in control, or we are having strong suicidal urges. Yet our depression does not have to reach a crisis stage before we seek therapy. One of the main reasons I am writing this article is to help people recognize the warning signs of depression so that they begin to work on healing before the depression reaches a crisis stage. In fact my ultimate goal is to inform enough people so that most of us do not even need therapy, but are able to recognize that we are depressed and use improved self help methods to avert a crisis and heal ourselves.

HOW TO START
Anyone who knows or suspects that they are depressed would be wise to first have a complete medical evaluation in order to determine if there is a possible organic cause of the depression. It is possible that certain medical disorders such as hypothyroidism are the cause, especially if the onset of depression is sudden or cannot be explained by reaction to environmental influences. The problem may also be caused by an adverse reaction to prescription or illegal drugs such as amphetamines. If you begin your therapy by going to a psychiatrist (who is also a MD) he/she will give you a medical evaluation, if you do not start with a psychiatrist then a complete physical by an internist or family doctor is recommended. While I do urge you to rule out any possible organic cause by seeing an MD, I do have reservations about beginning your therapy choices with a visit to an internist or family doctor. My concerns will be covered in the section on drugs and again in the section on pitfalls later in this article. I caution you not to become overly optimistic and fixate on the possibility that the depression has an organic origin because for most of us this is not the cause, but it should be investigated.

One of the first considerations when we are trying to heal or improve our mind is with our physical body. If we abuse or neglect our physical body, our mind will be adversely effected. Whether or not our depression has been caused by the abuse or neglect of our physical body, or if our depression can be cured by stopping the abuse or neglect is not what I am addressing at this time. The point is that if we abuse and neglect our physical body and we are depressed, the depression will be worsened and our efforts to heal our mind will be more difficult and take a longer period of time. This is true even if the method of therapy is drugs only, because if we are physically fit our body can more readily assimilate the drugs and possible side effects will have less of an impact.

If you determine that you are depressed, I do not suggest you undertake a rigorous program of physical exercise for the express purpose of ending the depression, especially if exercise is the only method used to combat the depression. It is not uncommon for a depressed person to begin an exercise program by buying an expensive pair of shoes, an exercise machine or sports club membership, and a new exercise outfit, only to find that within a short time the symptoms of depression make it impossible to follow the regimentation, commitment, and motivation needed to insure the success of the exercise program. There is a good chance that I will be buying your expensive exercise machine for ten cents on the dollar at a garage sale next summer. On the other hand, I do highly recommend that you start a mild program of physical exercise consisting of walking, stationary bicycling, or mild aerobics, for 20 to 30 minutes a day, five days a week. This will help clear your mind, it will help you focus while investigating your mental health care options, and mild exercise will help with motivation and commitment when first beginning your therapy.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

PTSD and Criminal Behavior

Claudia Baker, MSW, MPH and Cessie Alfonso, LCSW

Background

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is described in the DSM IV as "the development of characteristic symptoms following exposure to an extreme traumatic stressor." In recent studies among incarcerated populations, PTSD has been found in approximately 48% of female inmates and 30% of male inmates. The following is an overview of PTSD, a discussion about how to arrive at a diagnosis, an explanation of how PTSD can play a role in criminal offenses, and a review of how PTSD may be acknowledged in sentencing procedures.

Overview

In order to accurately conceptualize PTSD, it is necessary to clearly understand what is meant by "extreme traumatic stressor." If an individual has not been exposed to a traumatic stressor, PTSD cannot be diagnosed. The definition of this term in the DSM IV is on the one hand very specific but on the other hand somewhat broad. A traumatic stressor must involve "actual or threatened death or serious injury or other threat to one's physical integrity." However, this event can be experienced directly, witnessed, or experienced vicariously. "Experienced vicariously" is defined as learning that a traumatic event occurred unexpectedly or violently to a family member or close associate. This definition includes many different types of experiences, from military combat to experiencing a natural disaster to growing up in an inner-city environment. Although the case citations in this fact sheet refer to combat-induced PTSD, it is very important to keep in mind that the disorder can result from many other traumatic events.

In addition to having survived such a traumatic event, an individual must exhibit symptoms from three categories: reexperiencing, avoidance/numbing, and increased baseline physiological arousal. Reexperiencing symptoms include intrusive thoughts of the trauma, nightmares, flashbacks, and "trigger responses" (i.e., becoming distressed when a stimulus reminiscent of the trauma is encountered). Avoidance/numbing symptoms include avoiding situations reminiscent of the trauma, amnesia relating to part of the trauma, isolation from others, and a general feeling of emotional numbness. Arousal symptoms include insomnia, angry outbursts or irritability, and a general sense of jumpiness. It is important to note that these symptoms do not always begin immediately following a traumatic event; often, symptoms of PTSD do not become evident until many years after the trauma.

How is the diagnosis of PTSD determined?

In order to establish a diagnosis of PTSD, the existence of an "extreme traumatic stressor" must be verified. In the case of combat-induced PTSD, this can be easily accomplished by obtaining military records and consulting with someone experienced in interpreting these documents. With other types of trauma, establishing the "extreme traumatic stressor" can be more problematic. However, depending on the nature of the trauma, other public documents or corroboration of the trauma from neutral sources may be useful..

Once the existence of a traumatic stressor has been established, the diagnosis of PTSD must be made by a mental-health professional with experience in trauma. Various instruments have been developed to assess for PTSD, including the Mississippi Scale for PTSD (combat and civilian versions), the Clinician Administered PTSD Scale for DSM IV, and certain portions of the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory. However, certain behaviors observed by a layperson can indicate the possibility of PTSD. Individuals with PTSD tend to be jumpy and irritable and can exhibit difficulty in concentrating. A psychiatrist with a great deal of experience in assessing for PTSD once stated, "Show me someone who is relaxed and claims to have PTSD and I will show you a charlatan." A survivor will exhibit genuine distress when discussing the traumatic event and will often attempt to avoid discussing it. Someone who tells the details of a trauma before being asked probably does not have PTSD.

In establishing the credibility of the diagnosis, it is also crucial to demonstrate that the symptoms and behaviors in question were not present prior to the trauma. It is also important to establish that the individual's level of functioning declined after the trauma. This requires obtaining information from someone who has been around the individual both before and after the trauma. With PTSD that arises from childhood abuse, this can be problematic because it is difficult to determine the premorbid level of functioning.

How is PTSD related to criminal behavior?

PTSD can be linked to criminal behavior in two primary ways. First, symptoms of PTSD can incidentally lead to criminal behavior. Second, offenses can be directly connected to the specific trauma that an individual experienced.

Many symptoms of PTSD can lead to a lifestyle that is likely to result in criminal behavior and/or sudden outbursts of violence. Individuals with PTSD are often plagued by memories of the trauma and are chronically anxious. Often, attempts are made to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. The emotional numbness many trauma survivors experience can lead the survivor to engage in sensation-seeking behavior in an attempt to experience some type of emotion. Some combat veterans also may seek to recreate the adrenaline rush experienced during combat. Feeling the need to be always "on guard" can cause veterans to misinterpret benign situations as threatening and cause them to respond with self-protective behavior. Increased baseline physiological arousal results in violent behavior that is out of proportion to the perceived threat. It is common for trauma survivors to feel guilt, which can sometimes lead them to commit crimes that will likely result in their apprehension, punishment, serious injury, or death.

A direct link between a particular traumatic stressor and a specific crime can be indicated in three primary ways. First, crimes at times literally or symbolically recreate important aspects of a trauma. State v. Gregory (Maryland, 1979) provides an example of this type of case. Mr. Gregory, a Vietnam combat veteran, was charged with eight counts of kidnapping and assault after an incident at a bank in Silver Springs, MD on February 9, 1977. He entered the bank dressed in a suit with his military decorations pinned on it and armed with two M-16 automatic rifles, the weapon used by U.S. forces in Vietnam. He announced that he was not robbing the bank, let the women and children go, and took the remaining occupants hostage. Over a five-hour period, Mr. Gregory fired over 250 rounds of ammunition into the air and at inanimate objects before the police apprehended him without serious injury to anyone.

Mr. Gregory was initially convicted but the conviction was later overturned on appeal. The examining psychiatrist determined that Mr. Gregory had been one of very few survivors of an ambush in Vietnam, and the psychiatrist testified that the defendant's behavior in the bank was an attempt to recreate an ambush situation. Also, his behavior was viewed as an attempt at passive suicide in order to relieve the intense guilt he felt about having survived the ambush in Vietnam when so many others perished.

The second way that traumatic stressors can be linked to specific crimes is that environmental conditions similar to those existing at the time of the trauma can induce behavior (in particular, violent responses) similar to that exhibited during the trauma. People v. Wood (Illinois, 1982) is an example of this type of case. Mr. Wood was charged with attempted murder after shooting his foreman during a dispute. His prior diagnosis of PTSD and his history of combat duty in Vietnam were documented. Testimony and actual tape recordings were introduced that showed a similarity between the noises in the factory and noises Mr. Wood heard during combat, and it was argued that these conditions set the stage for Mr. Wood's violent behavior. The jury returned a verdict of not guilty by reason of insanity.

The final way that traumatic stressors can be linked to specific crimes is that life events immediately preceding the offense can realistically or symbolically force the individual to face unresolved conflicts related to the trauma. This creates a disturbed psychological state in which otherwise unlikely behaviors emerge. State v. Heads (Louisiana, 1981) is an example of this type of case. Mr. Heads, a Vietnam combat veteran with no prior criminal history, was convicted of second degree murder in 1978 after breaking into his sister-in-law's house and repeatedly firing a .45 caliber automatic pistol. One of the bullets killed the sister-in-law's husband. Mr. Heads had recently separated from his wife and had entered his sister-in-law's home in an attempt to locate her. Because he had experienced the loss of many friends in Vietnam, the severe emotional threat of losing his wife disrupted his psychological equilibrium and resulted in extremely violent behavior. In addition, the scene of the shooting in Louisiana was described as "Vietnam-like," which was seen as contributing to his violence. His conviction was overturned on appeal in 1981 when a jury returned a verdict of not guilty by reason of insanity.

Crimes that are directly linked to traumatic stressors usually have certain characteristics. Often, the defendant has no criminal history and cannot offer a coherent explanation for the behavior. Others may also find it difficult to discern any current motivation for the crime. The choice of a victim may seem accidental, and an apparently benign situation may result in violence. There may be amnesia surrounding all or part of the crime, and the individual may report that there were numerous stressors prior to the crime that related literally or psychologically to the original trauma. The act itself may also be linked symbolically or realistically to the original trauma. However, the individual is usually unaware of this connection.

How should PTSD be taken into consideration during criminal sentencing?

The presence of PTSD should be considered by the court during sentencing. If a defendant is diagnosed with PTSD, this information should be introduced as a mitigating factor during the penalty phase of a capital case. In states with versions of the "three strikes" law and in federal cases, the presence of PTSD may be reason for the court to depart from mandatory sentencing guidelines.

Various issues pertaining to an individual's traumatic experience and subsequent adjustment are relevant when PTSD is introduced in sentencing proceedings:

Was any type of treatment made available to the defendant either immediately after the event or in the months afterward? Crisis intervention among survivors of traumatic events is extremely important.

At what age did the trauma occur and what are the ramifications for the defendant's personality development? Although trauma at an early age can have a more pervasive effect on an individual's functioning, it is easier to document pre- and posttrauma personality changes when the stressors have been experienced at a later age.

If a defendant has a history of criminal convictions or poor adjustment during prior incarcerations, what is the role that undiagnosed PTSD may have played in this behavior? Because being in prison requires a person to be constantly vigilant regarding the threat of violence, an individual with PTSD who is in prison can be profoundly retraumatized and his or her PTSD symptoms may be exacerbated to the point where he or she will act out with violence.

Finally, what is the psychiatric prognosis? Although PTSD is a chronic condition, with the proper treatment and education, its symptoms can usually be successfully managed. It is unlikely that survivors receive the proper treatment for PTSD during incarceration. In fact, because prison life may retraumatize a person, a lengthy incarceration will likely seriously exacerbate PTSD symptoms and cause the person's level of functioning to deteriorate.

Conclusion

In sum, it is important to recognize when PTSD from previous traumatic stressors may play a role in criminal behavior. Be aware of possible PTSD symptoms, establish a legitimate and credible diagnosis (including documentation of the traumatic stressor, if possible), and discern how PTSD symptomatology or a previous traumatic stressor may have contributed to the criminal act.

A Breathing Exercise to Calm Panic Attacks

A Breathing Exercise
to Calm Panic Attacks

Here's a simple breathing exercise that will restore your comfortable breathing and soothe many of the physical symptoms of a panic attack.

You may have already tried deep breathing and not had much success in soothing your panic symptoms. The reason for that is that most descriptions of deep breathing leave out a critical step.

A simple, but powerful, technique
If you have Panic Disorder or Social Phobia, this deep breathing exercise may be the single most important coping technique I can show you. It's also useful with other anxiety disorders in which the physical symptoms are less prominent, but still present. Comfortable, deep breathing is the key to relaxation. All the the traditional relaxation methods (yoga, meditation, hypnosis) place a central emphasis on breathing.

I can't catch my breath!
Feeling like "I can't catch my breath!" is probably the most common of all panic symptoms. Your breathing feels labored, you strain to take a deep breath, you fear you're not going to get it - and the harder you try, the worse it feels!
When you feel short of breath, it doesn't mean you're not getting enough air. In fact, people will often say "I can't catch my breath", and this shows that they're getting air, because we talk by making air vibrate. If you're talking, you're breathing! It's not a dangerous symptom.

But it does get people very scared, and it produces other uncomfortable physical symptoms, so it's worth your while to be able to correct it.

You've probably already had it told to you, and you've probably also read it as well, that what you need to do is "take a deep breath". If you're like most people, that advice hasn't helped you much. It's good advice, but it's incomplete. It doesn't tell you how to take a deep breath. A good breathing exercise should tell you how to take a deep breath, and that's what I'm going to do.

Here's the Key
When you feel like you can't catch your breath, it's because you forgot to do something.

You forgot to exhale.

That's right. Before you can take a deep breath, you have to give one away. Why? Because, when you've been breathing in a short, shallow manner (from your chest), if you try and take a deep inhale, you just can't do it. All you can do is take a more labored, shallow breath from your chest. That will give you all the air you need, but it won't feel good.

Go ahead, try that now and see what I mean. Put one hand on your chest, the other on your belly. Breathe very shallowly from your chest a few times, then try to take a deep breath. I think you'll find that, when you inhale, you use your chest muscles, rather than your diaphragm, or belly.

When you breathe in this shallow manner, you get all the air you need to live, but you can also get other symptoms which add to your panic.

You get chest pain or heaviness, because you've tightened the muscles of your chest to an uncomfortable degree. (The chest pain people feel in a panic attack isn't from the heart, it's from the muscles of the chest). You feel lightheaded or dizzy, because shallow breathing can produce the same sensations as hyperventilation. You also get a more rapid heartbeat, and maybe numbness or tingling in the extremities as well.

All from breathing short and shallow!

One of the very first things that people need to do is to learn and practice belly breathing.

Belly Breathing Exercise
1. Place one hand just above your belt line, and the other on your chest, right over the breastbone. You can use your hands as a simple biofeedback device. Your hands will tell you what part of your body, and what muscles, you are using to breathe.
2. Open your mouth and gently sigh, as if someone had just told you something really annoying. As you do, let your shoulders and the muscles of your upper body relax down with the exhale. The point of the sigh is not to completely empty your lungs. It's just to relax the muscles of your upper body.

3. Close your mouth and pause for a few seconds.

4. Keep your mouth closed and inhale slowly through your nose by pushing your stomach out. The movement of your stomach precedes the inhalation by just the tiniest fraction of a second, because it's this motion which is pulling the air in. When you've inhaled as much air as you can comfortably (without throwing your upper body into it), just stop. You're finished with that inhale.

5. Pause. How long? You decide. I'm not going to give you a specific count, because everybody counts at a different rate, and everybody has different size lungs. Pause briefly for whatever time feels comfortable. However, be aware that when you breathe this way, you are taking larger breaths than you're used to. For this reason, it's necessary to breathe more slowly than you're used to. If you breathe at the same rate you use with your small, shallow breaths, you will probably feel a little lightheaded from over breathing, and it might make you yawn. Neither is harmful. They're just signals to slow down. Follow them!

6. Open your mouth. Exhale through your mouth by pulling your stomach in.

7. Pause.

8. Continue with Steps 4-7

Advice to those unable to Conceive

*Please appropriately reference this fatwa to: www.fatwa-online.com, thankyou!*
Question: A woman is grieving because she is not pregnant; And sometimes she cries and ends up thinking a lot and becomes withdrawn from life, so what is the ruling and what advice do you have for her?

Response: It is not befitting for this woman to grieve and cry because she is unable to conceive. This is because the natural ability in the man and the woman to conceive and have children, whether they be male only or female only or part male and part female, and the inability of the man and the woman to conceive - all of this is by the decree of Allaah ('Azza wa Jall). He (Subhaanau wa Ta'aala) says:

{To Allaah belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills. He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He wills. Or He bestows both males and females, and He renders barren whom He wills. Verily, He is All-Knower and is Able to do all things}, Soorah ash-Shooraa, Aayahs 49-50

So He ('Azza wa Jall) is All-Knowing as to who is deserving of all these, and is All Able to do what He chooses.

And there is a good example for the female questioner in (the story of) Yahya ibn Zakariyyaa and 'Eesaa ibn Maryam (upon them both be peace); Neither of the two had children, so, she is required to be content (with what Allaah has decreed for her) and ask Allaah for her needs, as He has the most encompassing Wisdom and Ability.

And there is no harm in her presenting herself to some of the specialist female doctors, and male doctors should she be unable to find a specialist female doctor. It is quite possible that which is preventing her from conceiving can be treated such as blocked tubes. And likewise, it is befitting that her husband present himself to a specialist male doctor since it is quite possible that he himself is the cause of his wife not being able to conceive.

And with Allaah lies all success and may Allaah send prayers and salutations upon our Prophet Muhammad (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) and his family and his companions.

The Permanent Committee for Islaamic Research and Verdicts
Fataawa al-Lajnah ad-Daa.imah lil-Buhooth al-'Ilmiyyah wal-Iftaa. - Fatwa No.8844
al-Fataawa al-Muta'alliqah bit-Tibb wa Ahkaam al-Mardhaa - Pages 308-309

How to let go of guilt and learn to forgive

From the Qur'an
{It is part of the Mercy of Allah that you deal gently
with them. Were you severe or harsh-hearted, they would have
gone away from you: so pass over (their faults), and
ask for (Allah's) forgiveness for them; and consult them in the
affairs (of the moment). Then, when you have taken a decision, place
your trust in Allah. For Allah loves those who place their trust
(in Him).} 3:159

[Lessons from this verse] It is not the snake bite that kills,
it's the venom that flows through the blood. The antidote is
forgiving people. Don't let anger rent space in your mind and
heart. Forgive and pass over people's faults.

"Strength of character means the ability to overcome resentment against others, to hide hurt feelings, and to forgive quickly."


"To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless."


"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."


"Do everything. Love as much as you can. it may hurt but it helps us grow. Give all you have...you may be poor but you will be content. Always forgive....your heart can not afford not to. Teach what you know and learn what you don't. Stay open to all"

"Before you speak, listen.
Before you write, think.
Before you spend, earn.
Before you invest, investigate.
Before you criticize, wait.
Before you pray, forgive.
Before you quit, try.
Before you retire, save.
Before you die, give."

"Do more than belong: participate. Do more than care: help. Do more than believe: practice. Do more than be fair: be kind. Do more than forgive: forget. Do more than dream: work."



A kindergarten teacher decided to let her class play a game. The teacher told each child in the class to bring along a plastic bag containing a few potatoes. Each potato will be given a name of a person that the child hates, so the number of potatoes that a child will put in his/her plastic bag will depend on the number of people he/she hates.

So when the day came, every child brought some potatoes with the name of the people he/she hated. Some had 2 potatoes; some 3 while some up to 5 potatoes. The teacher then told the children to carry with them the potatoes in the plastic bag wherever they go for 1 week.

Days after days passed by, and the children started to complain due to the unpleasant smell let out by the rotten potatoes. Besides, those having 5 potatoes also had to carry heavier bags.

After 1 week, the children were relieved because the game had finally ended. The teacher asked: "How did you feel while carrying the potatoes with you for 1 week?" The children let out their frustrations and started complaining of the trouble that they had to go through having to carry the heavy and smelly potatoes wherever they go.

Then the teacher told them the hidden meaning behind the game.

The teacher said: "This is exactly the situation when you carry your hatred for somebody inside your heart. The stench of hatred will contaminate your heart and you will carry it with you wherever you go. If you cannot tolerate the smell of rotten potatoes for just 1 week, can you imagine what is it like to have the stench of hatred in your heart for your lifetime???"

Moral:
Throw away any hatred for anyone from your heart so that you will not carry sins for a life time. Forgiving others is the best attitude to take! Forget & Forgive!!!

WE HAVE ALL DONE THINGS THAT WE ARE NOT PROUD OF. Perhaps we were not there for a friend when they needed us, or we may have been responsible for unhappiness in our family. These sorts of past actions can leave us feeling ashamed and guilty, and we can end up carrying our guilt for years.

Guilt is probably one of the most debilitating and negative emotions there is – one that can, and often does, destroy a person's life. But if we want to live happy lives, we need to deal with the consequences of our past actions and move on, rather than allowing our lives to be wracked with guilt.

Feeling guilty should not be confused with taking responsibility for our past. Responsibility means "the ability to respond", and therefore taking responsibility means that we actively address the consequences of our actions in whatever way we can, in particular by changing our behavior patterns. Taking responsibility also includes moving on by making peace with the past.

Unlike taking responsibility, which is redeeming and positive, guilt has absolutely no value. Guilt does not encourage us to change in positive ways but debilitates us, leaving us unable to take the action we need to bring about change.

Breaking out of the guilt cycle
As a behavior pattern, guilt often becomes a self-perpetuating cycle: we do something, we feel guilty about it, we punish ourselves and, because we feel bad, we end up repeating our behavior at the next available opportunity.

This debilitating cycle continues largely because we do not take full responsibility for our actions or for changing our behavior. So how do we start the process of taking responsibility? By considering, with complete honesty, the part we play in any situation and by accepting our role in creating the events.

The purpose of this self-examination is to evaluate truthfully whatever occurred so that we can learn how we contributed. Through learning and honest self-assessment, we change our thinking and behavior. We can also forgive ourselves and move on with experience and wisdom.

Real forgiveness
In this process, forgiveness is vital. However, forgiveness is not what we generally believe it to be.

Real forgiveness has nothing to do with feeling of "sorry or apologizing" – neither of which actually changes anything. True forgiveness is contained in its literal meaning. The word "forgive" is very old, and the prefix "for" means literally "to reject." So the word as a whole means "to reject the giving".

We need "to reject the giving" because, if we think we have wronged someone, we use our sense of guilt to "give" to that person. By giving, we hope to make it better, and to exonerate ourselves from our actions. Conversely, if we feel that someone has wronged us, we will continue to demand payment for that offense, and thus want the other person to "give" to us.

But giving from a sense of guilt can never lead us to forgiveness. Neither can forgiveness be bestowed by another; it has to be brought about by ourselves. In the end, unless we can reject all this giving and truly forgive ourselves, we can never really move on and be free of the past.

How does forgiveness work in practice? Say that you have had a history of being abusive towards others, but have started to take responsibility for your past by changing your behavior. The reality is that you can still have unresolved feelings about what you have done. The process of forgiveness enables you to resolve these unresolved feelings so that you can move on.

It is important to remember that feeling bad about the past never really allows us to move on. What's more, if we indulge in feeling bad, this implies that we view our past as meaningless and of no value. What a waste! For, if we have caused harm, surely we should try to learn from our actions rather than living with a heap of regrets?

Forgiving ourselves involves finding value in our experiences. Instead of just writing off an experience as a painful episode, and trying to forget it, we should look for the value in that experience and try to take out of the experience whatever we can learn.

Toltecs look upon life as a journey of learning, and say that all true learning or knowledge is experiential. Because we are stubborn and tend to avoid change, much of our learning does come about through painful experiences. However, if we wish to grow and to use our experiences as a learning curve, it is vital that we focus on what we have learned, rather than the pain.

By searching for learning and value from our past, we ensure that there is no more need to give or demand payment - we can, indeed, "reject the giving" and so forgive.

To take meaning and value out of any situation, simply ask, "What has this taught me? What lessons can I learn: about myself, about others and about my life? How can I use this new knowledge to change my thinking and behavior and help others avoid the same trap?"

In this light our past, instead of being meaningless and shameful, has a positive and life-enhancing value. By learning to handle our past, and by taking the steps to forgive ourselves in the true sense of the word, we can let go of the debilitating consequences of guilt, and finally move on.

"Say: 'O my servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." Surah Al-Zumar, chapter 39 verse 53-55



Courtesy: T H É U N M A R E S

A Sermon of `Abdullah Ibn Mas`ood

Related by Abu Nu`aim in Hilyat al-Awliyaa'


Amr ibn Thabit narrated that `Abdullaah ibn Mas`ood said in one of his sermons: "Surely the most truthful speech is that of the Qur'aan, the Book of Allah; and the best of covenants and bonds are an expression of piety; the best of persuasions is that of Ibraaheem and the best of traditions are those of Muhammad. The most noble and exalted of speeches and conversations is to talk about Allah the best and most truthful of stories are told in the Qur'aan; the worth of a good deed will show at the end, and the most evil of deeds are innovations; to have less of what satisfies one's needs is better than to have aplenty one cannot compass or control; the worst self-blaming (nafsu lawwaama) is sorrow when death comes to seize the person, and the worst grief is to have regret on the Day of Judgment; the worst of aberration is to stray from Allah's path after receiving His guidance; true prosperity is to have satisfaction and contentment; the best provision for the hereafter is piety; suspicion is a branch of apostasy; the worst blindness is that of the heart; wine is the source of every evil; the temptation about women is the rope of Shaytaan; teenage heralds the growing up of arrogance and folly; mourning losses is a pagan act; some people come late to the Friday's congregational prayers, dragging their feet, and they speak of Allaah illusively.

In fact, to lie is the greatest sin; to insult a believer is an act of insolence; and to fight a believer is apostasy. The sanctity of the property of a believer is as sacred as his life; one who pardons the sins of others, Allah will forgive him his sins, and one who swallows his anger, Allah will reward him, one who forgives others, Allah will forgive him, and one who bears his adversity,
Allah will reward him aplenty.

The most evil of earnings is money made of usury and accumulation of interest; the worst of food is to eat up the inheritance of orphan. The luckiest of people is one who takes heed of the reason behind others' misfortunes; and the unlucky is thus conceived in the womb of his mother. Sufficient for you is what satisfies your basic needs; surely the lag of one's journey will culminate in a grave six linear feet long; one's real goal will eventually be seen at the end, - and truth will surely manifest at the end. The results of one's actions will expose his initial intention; the worst story is a lie; the best death is that of a martyr; one who knows the value of adversities will bear them, and one who does not understand that will question the reason behind them. Allah will surely bring an arrogant person to humiliation. Whosoever vies to capture the world will reach a dead end, and whosoever obeys Shaytaan would have disobeyed Allah and finally, whosoever disobeys Allah will be punished in hell-fire."